Our origin story

Our journey into ethical non-monogamy involves Star Trek and the President of the United States. But before that we need to go back to the beginning, because when I first saw my wife, I was naked and she was taking off her clothes.

I had recently discovered the hidden nudist camp in a conservative region of the U.S. The summer was hot, I was a voyeur and exhibitionist, and the lake water was refreshing. One afternoon I looked up the beach and saw a young woman my age walk, disrobe, and open a can of soda. It was not actually love at first sight, but when we later started dating monogamously we began with body-positivity in common.

Some years later, in 2004, I viewed from afar as a political scandal rocked the state of Illinois. A U.S. Senate candidate named Jack Ryan was disgraced as divorce records revealed that he and his estranged wife, Star Trek: Voyager actress Jeri Ryan, had visited a sex club in Europe. Ryan attempted to explain that they had not broken any of their marital vows, but his candidacy was through. With the leading candidate out of the race, a then unknown state senator named Barack Obama won the seat, and the rest of that story is history.

But we then knew that swinger clubs exist! Because Mrs. had always been sexually adventurous and comfortable with nudity, I asked her (in a Home Depot parking lot, no less) if she would consider visiting a local one and she was surprised but said yes. We didn’t speak to anyone else but enjoyed each other very publicly (we were nudists, remember), and wanted to go back. However, shortly after that we suddenly became parents through adoption, and subsequently far away. In our new home we were overwhelmed by new jobs, a new house and a very small child, and there weren’t any clubs nearby. The idea went into dormancy for some years.

Eventually we found ourselves planning our first weekend vacation ever, since we had become parents. I remembered the fun we had had on our visit to that club years earlier, and looked to see what might be available in the area we would be in. Happily there was a swinger or lifestyle club similar to the first one with a party on the right weekend, and Mrs. was enthusiastic about trying it out. We again barely talked with anyone else, but had a great time watching the other guests play and ended up naked in the middle of a very public area again.

This was an inspiration to us, and over the next year we visited additional swinger clubs while out of town. In between then and our very first visit, Mrs. felt more secure in our relationship and we decided to be a little braver each time. We concluded that a friendship connection was important to our comfort in playing, and at one party we had an extended conversation with three people and ended up invited to share a bed with them. We were mostly having fun with each other, as the other three swapped positions on the other side of the bed. Hands roamed back and forth. I very clearly remember that one of the men moved towards the Mrs.’ face and offered her his cock, while I went down on her. Inside my head I thought “Do it! Do it!” as she paused, looked at the erection in front of her face, and deflected it with her hand. In the car later we found out that she was interested in giving a blowjob, but that was more than we had discussed for that party. I replied that I had hoped in the moment that she would do it, but hadn’t said anything.

Of course, that conversation told us something important about our desires and we wanted opportunities to have fun at home too. Since there weren’t any clubs in our small city, we posted a profile and went about trying to meet couples. Two weeks later we had our first dinner date, and two weeks after that our first play date. That was a story all by itself, but I’ll save that for another time. A few months after that we had our first full swap, had jumped into our first house play party, and became a happily non-monogamous couple.

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